


Dull Blades

by butterfliesandrain



Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Frank is not an asshole, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Non-Chronological, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 20:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17393252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterfliesandrain/pseuds/butterfliesandrain
Summary: A non-chronological backstory on Susie and how she met her friends, all the way up until her first trial.





	1. Numb

**Author's Note:**

> The story is non-chronological, but here's the correct order of chapters in case you want to read it chronologically: 4-5-2-3-6-1

I don’t think I could remember everything from... "Before". Something had me believe that it didn't matter, anyway. I just remembered us and the shit we pulled together. Frank, Julie, Joey and I. The long nights we spent destroying our town and driving in Joey’s car, looking for anything interesting. The days we wasted away in the lodge and the times I didn’t go home for days on end because all I wanted to do was spend time with friends. I remember my grades dropping, but not caring in the slightest. I didn’t need good grades. I needed people that understood me.  
I didn't remember my parents either, though there were vague echoes of what their voices must have sounded like. Every time I thought I could see them in my mind's eye, they disappeared and I forgot everything again. It was like the memories were torn out of my grasp. At first I wondered who they were, but that feeling of curiosity was also numbed over time.  
There was a lot of pain after I arrived here. The suffering seemed like it went on forever. I think I was trapped somewhere, without the others. I might even say I had been put through torture. But even of that I don't remember everything. There were more scars on my body than I had before; scars I knew I hadn’t made myself. I knew that the images I was seeing weren’t things I was doing or had done, but things I was forced to watch. I was forced to watch my friends kill others until I got used to it. I had grown numb and craved the rush I always needed eventually. And The Entity would give me that, I knew it would.  
Somewhere near the end of it all, I met them again. Especially Frank reached out to me and pulled me out of that place.  
The next thing I knew, was that it felt very cold. Everything was white and covered in snow. For a swift moment I considered the possibility of being home, but something wasn't quite right. The place I was in looked slightly off from home. The cold didn't feel quite the same. I could feel it on my skin and the wind blowing through my hoodie but it didn't bother me much, somehow.  
The thing that was off the most was that I felt different. The feeling was simply indescribable but it certainly felt like I was more powerful somehow, in the sense that I felt like I could punch a hole in a brick wall. I started to walk and with every step I took, I felt more assured. It felt like the others were walking with me, guiding me to what I needed to do. I had seen them do the same thing and I knew what was expected of me. It made it very clear to me that I had no other option than obey its orders. It made me slightly bitter, as I would only ever want to listen to Frank, but I knew he wanted me to do what The Entity asked of me, so I did.  
The thing I was looking for was working on a machine-like thing with flickering lights above it. My prey was shaking because of the cold. It didn't seem to notice me at first, but as I moved closer it turned around to face me. The machine exploded and it ran away. But I didn't want it to get away.  
So I moved after it. It looked over its shoulder and seemed to consider its options. It decided to vault a window, so I went around the wall to meet it. It seemed surprised and it ran away again, but something in me changed as I came so close to it.  
I could feel my friends around me as if they were inside of me. It felt like the four of us all took control of my body. All of our strength and speed was combined. Together, we sprinted forward and stabbed the prey right in the back. The feeling it gave us was exhilarating. It gave us power and energy like none we'd ever felt before. So I went after it again and stabbed it right in the shoulder, making it fall down. The feeling went away instantly and it felt like I was the only one in control of my body again. I looked down at the prey and knew what to do with it. Something seemed to whisper it in my ear and Frank was telling me to do it as well. So I raised my weapon and swung it towards my victim, but it tried to block my attack with its arm. Instead of blocking, though, my weapon went clean through its arm. I was surprised that it had tried this, which it used against me and it tried to crawl away, all the while whimpering and coughing. I couldn't allow this, so I dragged it back and this time I put the knife right in its chest and dragged all the way down. Its chest was right open and I could see inside its body, but I didn’t care much. I cleaned my knife by dragging it over the sleeve of my hoodie and moved on to find more prey. One after another, I killed people. They tried to run but it was all in vain, as I would get them eventually. Especially with the guidance of the others, there wasn’t much I could do wrong.  
I closed my eyes and when I reopened them, I was back at the place we had found before everything turned to black for me.  
Frank stood in front of me and, unexpectedly, gave me a hug. He didn’t say anything, he just held me for a while. Slowly, I hugged him back. It felt nice and I think I had missed that. He hadn’t hugged me in what felt like forever. When he let me go he asked me how I felt. His facial expression was mostly blank, but he could not mask the slight concern in his eyes.  
I shrugged and answered: “I don’t feel much.”


	2. A Memory #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 28 August 1996  
> "A dormant darkness lies beneath his childlike smile, about to be awakened."

“Alright, alright! Come on, hurry up! What are you guys waiting for?” Julie asked excitedly, holding a camera in her hands. Frank rolled with his eyes and looked at me. Yeah, he didn’t like pictures so much either. Julie wasn’t having any of that, though. She really wanted a picture of us to keep. I guess the idea was cute but I have always looked so awkward on camera. Made me wonder if I always looked like that. I just shrugged at Frank’s stare on me, that basically asked me to protest with him, but I couldn’t. Julie was really excited and I didn’t want to ruin it. Besides, it’s just for a few seconds. So I stood up from the couch we were sitting on in the lodge and walked towards Julie and Joey. Frank soon followed and put a quick hand through his hair, then got ready while Julie set up the camera. Joey put his clothes right and I just… kind of stood there and waited.  
“Get ready!” Julie said and then quickly ran over to us. Frank put his arms around Julie and Joey and put on his usual goofy smile. Joey stood with one hand in his pocket and the other hand made a sign of the horns. Julie also put an arm around Frank and then out of nowhere pulled me unexpectedly close so I was squished against her. I made a small smile and then the flash hit us, making Julie instantly run over to see how the photo turned out. “It’s so cute!” She said happily and showed us.  
Yeah, I guess it turned out alright.


	3. Rewritten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The night that everything went to shit."  
> But memories can sometimes be changed by something greater than us.

The store had recently fired Joey. It was kind of a bummer, since Joey often times took some food with him for us to eat whenever he got off from work. The store was also Joey’s source of income and the reason he could afford fuel. He was always our ride and the only one of us with his own car. I thought that maybe the store’s owner finally figured that Joey had stolen some things.  
Frank had laughed at him in a mocking way and dared him to vandalize the place. Joey crossed his arms and said that he’d do it with two fingers up his nose. “An easy job,” he’d said. It wasn't something new to us, we had done it many times before, but I must admit that beforehand I wasn't so sure about it. Wouldn’t it be kind of suspicious if Joey was just fired and suddenly the store was in pieces? Julie calmed me down, though, saying that I shouldn't be so worried. We'd get away with it once again. We always would. So I decided to not put much thought to it.  
The lights inside seemed to be turned off and it was way past closing hours. Frank broke a window that allowed us to sneak in, and we started doing our thing. I started casually knocking things off the shelves while Joey painted over the windows and broke even more stuff than I did. Julie and Frank did their own thing, sometimes taking money, sometimes destroying bathrooms or whatever there was to destroy. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, until I heard muffled cries from around the corner. Instantly, I could feel all the hair on my body start to rise and I looked at Joey, who was also looking at me through his mask.  
We both made our way towards the cash register, where we just saw how Frank swung with his knife at a man's back. The man fell to the floor, letting go of Julie, who he had held in his arms as if he was trying to suffocate her.  
I couldn't believe it. It almost felt like the whole world came crashing down on me. We had to call for help, right? We would, right? How could Frank stab a man, just like that? It couldn't be real.  
I put my hands on my head as I shook my head in denial. It couldn't be real.  
"Well, what are you waiting for? Finish the job!" Frank barked at us. It almost seemed like Joey didn't hesitate. He just stabbed the man right in the stomach. Julie was next, she stabbed him in the chest. She pushed the blade into my hands. What was I supposed to do with it? Was I next?  
I was trembling so badly I thought I could collapse any second. Frank was starting to lose patience, and before I knew what he was doing he grabbed my hands and together we planted the knife into the cleaner's throat.  
Tears were starting to roll down over my cheeks. The man was now very obviously dead. He had four stab wounds, one from each of us. He bled out fairly quick. I couldn’t imagine the pain he must have been in.  
Frank ordered Julie and I to clean up the blood while he and Joey stuffed the body into the car. Julie wouldn’t talk to me the whole time we were cleaning up the mess. While we were digging a grave for the body, Frank swore he saw something move behind the trees in the forest. I wasn't so sure if he should check it out, I didn't want anything else to happen today, but I couldn't speak. The whole experience had made me go mute. The shock was too severe. When Frank didn't return and we had already buried the body, we walked after him to see where he went.  
And that was the last thing I remember.

The store had recently fired Joey. It really sucked, since Joey often times took some food with him for us to eat whenever he got off from work. The store was also Joey’s source of income and the reason he could afford fuel. He was always our ride and the only one of us with his own car. I thought that maybe the store’s owner finally figured that Joey had stolen some shit.  
Frank had teased him about it and dared him to vandalize the place. Joey crossed his arms and said that he’d do it with two fingers up his nose. “An easy job,” he’d said. It wasn't something new to us, we had done it many times before, but I must admit that beforehand I wasn't so sure about it. Wouldn’t it be kind of suspicious if Joey was just fired and suddenly the store was in pieces? Julie calmed me down, though, saying that I shouldn't be so worried. We'd get away with it once again. We always would. So I decided to not put much thought to it.  
The lights inside seemed to be turned off and it was way past closing hours. Frank broke a window that allowed us to sneak in, and we started doing our thing. I started knocking things off the shelves and tearing open products. I kicked some shelves to damage those as well and some unstable racks fell to the floor. Joey painted over the windows and broke shit together with me. Julie and Frank did their own thing, sometimes taking money, sometimes destroying bathrooms or whatever there was to destroy. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, until I heard muffled cries from around the corner. Instantly, I made my way over to where the cries came from, Joey following right behind me. Once we were at the cash register, I could see a janitor or whoever it was holding his arm around Julie’s neck. She was crying and clawing at his arms, trying to get him to let go. From the dark corner I could see Frank running at the man and stabbing him in the back with a knife, making the man fall to the floor. Then, Frank looked at us.  
"Well, what are you waiting for? Finish the job!" He said. I felt a bit numb by the whole experience. My mind couldn’t really accept this reality. It almost seemed like Joey didn't hesitate to follow Frank’s order. He just stabbed the man right in the stomach. Julie was next, she stabbed him in the chest. She pushed the blade into my hands. What was I supposed to do with it? Was I next?  
I could see that Frank was starting to lose his patience with me. He held my hand and he guided my hand with the knife towards the man’s throat. Together, we stabbed him right there. The man choked on his blood and within minutes, he was dead. He must’ve been in a lot of pain.  
Frank ordered Julie and I to clean up the blood while he and Joey stuffed the body into the car. We cleaned up the mess in silence so we could act faster.  
While we were digging a grave for the body, Frank swore he saw something move behind the trees in the forest. He left to go check it out. When Frank didn't return and we had already buried the body, we walked after him to see where he had gone.  
And… I think that was the last thing I can remember...

That horrible owner of the store Joey worked at had recently fired him. It sucked, since Joey often times took some food with him for us to eat whenever he got off from work. The store was also Joey’s source of income and the reason he could afford fuel. He was always our ride and the only one of us with his own car. I thought that maybe the store’s owner figured that Joey had stolen some shit.  
It made Frank chuckle, because Joey had been slightly too careless. It was stupid of him. He should have been more careful, but we forgave him. It gave us all a new thing to do in the weekend. Joey seemed happy with the idea. It served the owner right. I heard he had been a real dickhead to his employees.  
Vandalizing wasn't something new to us, we had done it many times before. This time would be no different. Seemed like an easy job, to be honest. The place wasn’t highly secured, Joey had said before. It was only a matter of time before we had targeted the store anyway.  
The lights inside seemed to be turned off inside and it was way past closing hours. Frank broke a window that allowed us to sneak in, and we started doing our thing. I started knocking things off the shelves and tearing open products. I kicked some shelves to damage those as well and some unstable racks fell to the floor. Joey painted over the windows and broke shit together with me. Julie and Frank did their own thing, sometimes taking money, sometimes destroying bathrooms or whatever there was to destroy. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, until I heard muffled cries from around the corner. Instantly, I made my way over to where the cries came from, Joey following right behind me. Once we were at the cash register, I could see a janitor or whoever it was holding his arm around Julie’s neck. She was crying and clawing at his arms, trying to get him to let go. From the dark corner I could see Frank running at the man and stabbing him in the back with a knife, making the man fall to the floor. Then, Frank looked at us.  
We all knew what he wanted us to do. It was as if by just looking at him we could read his mind. We didn’t want to disappoint him, so we did what he wanted us to do. Joey seemed the most eager to follow Frank’s order. He just stabbed the man right in the stomach. Julie was next, she stabbed him in the chest. She pushed the blade into my hands.  
This was what Frank wanted me to do.  
This was my purpose.  
I could see that Frank was looking at me expectantly. I sat down on one knee and stabbed the man in the throat. He deserved it. For hurting Julie, I mean. If you hurt one of us, you will have to deal with all of us. We are there for each other in that way.  
Frank told Julie and I to clean up the blood while he and Joey stuffed the body into the car. We cleaned up the mess in silence so we could act faster.  
While we were digging a grave for the body, Frank swore he saw something move behind the trees in the forest. He left to go check it out. When Frank didn't return and we had already buried the body, we walked after him to see where he had gone.  
I think… I don’t know if I…

That horrible owner of the store Joey worked at had recently fired him. It sucked, since Joey often times took some food with him for us to eat whenever he got off from work. The store was also Joey’s source of income and the reason he could afford fuel. He was always our ride and the only one of us with his own car. I thought that maybe the store’s owner figured that Joey had stolen some shit.  
It made Frank chuckle, because Joey had been slightly too careless. It was stupid of him. He should have been more careful, but we forgave him. It gave us all a new thing to do in the weekend. Joey seemed happy with the idea. It served the owner right. I heard he had been a real dickhead to his employees.  
Vandalizing wasn't something new to us, we had done it many times before. This time would be no different. Seemed like an easy job, to be honest. The place wasn’t highly secured, Joey had said before. It was only a matter of time before we had targeted the store anyway.  
The lights inside seemed to be turned off inside and it was way past closing hours. Frank broke a window that allowed us to sneak in, and we started doing our thing. I started knocking things off the shelves and tearing open products. I kicked some shelves to damage those as well and some unstable racks fell to the floor. I helped Joey with painting over the windows and getting some cash from the cash register. Julie and Frank did their own thing sometimes destroying bathrooms or whatever there was to destroy in the back of the store. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary for a while. I saw Julie turning the corner and walking towards us, when suddenly a stranger followed her from behind and wrapped an arm around her neck. She started to choke and she was crying and struggling to get out of his grasp. I was shocked but still quick to act. Both Joey and I lunged at the man and managed to get him off of her. We pushed the man away and Frank quickly stabbed him in the back, causing him to fall to the floor. Then, Frank looked at us.  
We all knew what he wanted us to do. It was as if by just looking at him we could read his mind. We didn’t want to disappoint him, so we did what he wanted us to do. Joey seemed the most eager to follow Frank’s order. He just stabbed the man right in the stomach. Julie was next, she stabbed him in the chest. She pushed the blade into my hands.  
This was what Frank wanted me to do.  
This was my purpose.  
Purpose.  
Without much hesitation, I stabbed the man in the throat. I could see the life disappear from his eyes. It was a satisfying feeling. It gave me that rush I longed for. I needed that rush. I need to feel something. Anything.  
He deserved it. If you hurt one of us, you will have to deal with all of us.  
Frank told Julie and I to clean up the blood while he and Joey stuffed the body into the car. We cleaned up the mess fairly quick.  
While we were digging a grave for the body, Frank swore he saw something move behind the trees in the forest. He left to go check it out. When Frank didn't return and we had already buried the body, we walked after him to see where he had gone.

Purpose.  
That was my purpose.  
I can’t disappoint the others, that is my purpose.  
Joey stabbed the man in the stomach. Julie stabbed the man in the chest. I stabbed the man in the throat. And again. And again. I stabbed him until I could see the life disappear from his eyes.  
Purpose.  
I stabbed the man in the stomach. I stabbed the man in the chest. I stabbed him until I could see no more life in him. It felt good. Frank is proud of me now. We are in this together now. We are one.  
Purpose.  
I can’t disappoint it. I can’t disappoint them. We are in this together now. I don’t need to care for anyone else but them. I don’t need anything besides my friends. Everything will leave eventually, except for my friends.  
I just need to feel that rush. I can’t disappoint.  
I grabbed the man away from Julie and I stabbed him until my clothes were soaked in his blood. That’s what Frank wanted me to do. They cheered me on. We were in it together. They helped me. I helped them.  
We are one.  
Legion.


	4. F.J.S.J.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susie's childhood and how she met her friends.

It was my eleventh birthday when my father died. I remember him waking me up in the morning with a smile on his face. He was overjoyed and proud of me, he said that he loved how much I had grown already. Before he left for work, he said that when he got home he’d bring cake and we’d eat it together after dinner. After school, I waited and I waited, but he never came. The only people coming to my house were my mother and two police officers, who looked even more stressed out when they saw all the birthday decorations in the hallway and living room. From a reality filled with pure joy, a whole family, birthday cakes and presents, we went to a reality with a funeral, condolences and darker times in just a few days. My mother seemed to shut herself in more and stopped paying as much attention to me. She could only focus on her work, as a journalist, and I’d always hear: “I’m busy honey, not now.” Or: “Mom really has to finish this article, why don’t you go play outside for a bit?”  
I stopped hanging out with the few friends I had, I started wearing darker clothing as I got older and was generally seen as “the outcast” and “the loner”. I spent my time reading books, listening to music, staying up at night and sleeping in class. In High School, classmates sometimes made fun of me. They smacked my books out of my hands and threw pieces of erasers at me when the teachers weren’t looking. I didn’t say anything and just kind of let it happen.  
It was just a normal day when I met Julie. She was kind of a known face around the school so I kind of already knew her, she just didn’t know me. I was standing in the girl’s bathroom when a few of my classmates came to taunt me. There really was no rest and I was used to it. I just stared down at the sink as they tried to get a reaction out of me, looking at my expression through the mirror, which was just blank. Usually keeping a more blank expression tended to bore them easily, so they would leave sooner than if I looked upset.  
That’s when Julie came into the bathrooms. My classmates fell a bit silent as they stared at the rebellious looking teenager walking in. She looked a bit rough, wearing a leather jacket and tight jeans. Her short, brown hair was messy, as if she just came out of bed and hadn’t bothered to brush it. She was also a bit tall and she wore boots with slightly higher platforms. She squinted her eyes and seemed to analyse the situation and also consider what she could do.  
“Uh… What’s going on here?” She asked in an almost strict tone as she crossed her arms. None of my classmates really knew how to answer, it seemed like, and they kind of backed away as Julie walked closer. “Nothing.” One of them said. “We were just going to leave.”  
After that, Julie talked to me for a bit. It was small talk, really. It was like she was kind of checking on me. I didn’t really feel like making eye contact the whole time. She had no real business talking to me, anyway. She was older. She was a known face and I was a nobody. Nobody ever even noticed me walking down the hallway. Everyone greeted her as she walked around.  
Still, for some reason, she decided to invite me to a party she’d be throwing that Friday. I didn’t know why she thought I looked like the type to go to a party, but she never gave me the time to ask why or object, because as quickly as she came she also left.  
I spent the few days leading up to Friday doubting if I should go. I had never gone to a party before, I didn’t really know what a real party looked like and if it was anything like I pictured it from the wild rumours I heard. I severely doubted that, as everything is nothing like how you picture it in your head.  
I was filled with anxiety when I told my mom I was going to hang out with friends. She seemed a bit happy for me – and surprised that I had friends, since I never talked of any before then.  
We only live once, right? That was my main reasoning for going. I had literally nothing to lose anyway and I ended up convincing myself that it wouldn’t hurt. I also didn’t think I would really have fun, but at least I could say that I went to a party. Julie’s party, of all the ones I could have gone to.  
So I took the bus to her place, or at least close to her place because I still had to walk a few blocks, and when I arrived there the music was already playing and there were teens walking in and out of the big front door. I can most definitely say that it felt like I was going to die from the anxiety and stress, but still I managed to walk in without looking too out of place or like I had no idea what I was doing.  
The music was so loud I thought that I could go deaf any second. I mostly walked on the sides, observing the crowd as they were drinking, dancing and generally enjoying themselves. I didn’t see Julie as she walked out of the crowd and she suddenly appeared before me. She seemed happy that I came and told me to come with her. She introduced me to a few people, acquaintances of hers, and the last person she introduced me to seemed to be the dude she had been looking for as well. His name was Joey and an actual friend instead of an acquaintance. You could tell by how she wrapped an arm around him and seemed actually happy to see him, instead of just with that stoic expression she had with the others. I kind of stuck to Joey’s side for the majority of my stay at the party and we talked a bit. He came across as a chill guy, but also a bit of a show-off. He was constantly telling stories of stuff he’d done before and I didn’t mind listening. I was more of a listener than a talker anyway. Julie was all over the place, talking to people and cleaning up some of the mess the partygoers left behind.  
I left late into the night, when Joey said he had to go and he offered me a ride home. I took the opportunity to not sit in some stinky cab. No bus was driving at that time. His car was pretty nice and the whole way he told me about how shitty his job was but it was how he paid for the car so he accepted the job nonetheless. Mom hadn’t bothered to stay up and wait for me to come home, which once again showed her lack of care. I think that was one of those moments where we really grew even further apart than I thought was possible.  
Julie, Joey and I slowly started to hang out more in the months after the party. They would greet me in the hallways and eventually asked for my house’s phone number so they could call me and ask me if I wanted to hang out. Julie would complain quite a bit about how she hated the small town we lived in and once she had enough money and she was old enough, she’d leave and never turn back. She said she would live in the city, where real life was going on and where she could live her life more freely. I don’t exactly know what a life like that would look like, but it was apparently more “free” and for the rest I didn’t question it. Joey said he kind of wanted the same thing, to move to the city, mainly because a small town was way too boring. I had to admit that there really was nothing to do in the area we lived in.  
We hung out together for about a year, had fun together even in vacations and did whatever we could do to kill time on a daily basis. Julie still threw an occasional party on Friday nights and one party in particular changed us and our future. She told us she had invited the new guy in town, who was apparently “really hot” according to her. He certainly, uh, how to put it… He had a lot of eyes on him. His presence was kind of dominating. He seemed to care so little about everything around him that everyone started to care. He leaned against a wall and had his hands in his pockets, with his hoodie partially over his head. I guess you could say he was the stereotypical mysterious new guy, which Julie found very interesting. He was also older than we were and already had some type of skull tattoo on his throat. At a party with a bunch of 15 to 17 year olds you can imagine that we might as well have put a spotlight on him and yelled: “Look! It’s the new, older, mysterious guy in a town where nothing ever happens!” It was kind of like that.  
He introduced himself as Frank and he seemed to also really like Julie - you could practically see the sparks flying. I wasn’t surprised when Julie invited him to hang out with us and that was how our tiny group of friends expanded. Frank certainly brought some new… ways of entertainment, I suppose? He dared us one night to explore the abandoned ski lodge, which we did and we were actually rather surprised to find that it wasn’t such a bad place. We made it our hangout and often went there for hours on end to spray graffiti and mess around. Sometimes, when Joey had to work and Julie was forced to go out for dinner with her parents, Frank and I were the only ones to hang out. He came over to my house a few times because Joey couldn’t give us a ride to the lodge and my house was in walking distance from the school.  
“Why are you always so quiet, Susie?” He asked me one night. I was sitting on the chair next to the desk, sketching some things, and he was lying down on my bed, throwing a stress ball into the air and catching it over and over again. I shrugged at his question. “I don’t have much to say. I like listening more anyway.” “I doubt that you’ve got nothing to say. You have an opinion on the things we say, don’t you?” “I guess so.” “So say it.” He had said in that calm, yet commanding voice of his.  
I looked up from my sketchbook and turned around to see he was sitting up and watching me intensely. In my head, I couldn’t help but compare him to how my classmates used to be, who had by then long stopped paying attention to me. He expected a reaction out of me, but not in a negative way. He wanted me to speak up, to say what I was thinking. So I said: “I don’t know if I should always say what I think.” “Why is that?” “Because you guys might not like what I think.” “I wouldn’t be so sure about that. It’s not always about what we want to hear, but also about what you want to say. We’re more interested in that than you think.” I guess that maybe he had a point. It was secretly still a bit of a weird concept to me that people wanted to be friends with me just because of who I am. I don’t really have much to offer and I don’t really talk. I just kind of assumed that Joey and Julie first befriended me out of pity and then later maybe liked my presence. But the way that Frank put it, he wanted to hear what I had to say. They all did, apparently. They wanted to get to know me more and what I thought of certain topics. After that night, he would often randomly ask me what I wanted to do or what I was thinking. Slowly, over time, I got used to speaking up every now and then and the others would actually listen. That honestly made me happy. I was no longer the silent girl walking on the side of the school hallways. I had friends who I could talk to and we had each other's backs. I was noticed somehow in that sea of faces, something I at first didn't think would ever happen.  
One time, Julie was complaining about how a teacher gave her detention for being late to class when she came in no later than usual. If she always came in late was a whole other story, of course, but now she was just complaining and didn’t really expect anyone to say anything back. “Maybe you should get there on time next class.” I mumbled to her. “I am on time!” “You’re about as on time as Frank was to your date last week.”  
Frank had stood her up the Saturday before because he had overslept after staying up way too late. He raised his hands in the air and turned away, saying that we should leave him out of it. Julie was perplexed and Joey could not stop laughing and wheezing. Most of the time I did not speak up, especially when Julie was stomping around and getting mad over whatever had happened, but I had to admit that it felt good. Frank was starting to snicker as time went on and even Julie couldn’t hold back a giggle. “The girl’s secretly got some pit!” Joey said, still laughing loudly. A small blush crept over my cheeks at being the centre of attention, but it felt nice have everyone laughing at something I said. Especially Frank, who seemed to even look a bit proud of me.  
Frank was a weird figure. He sometimes got spontaneously annoyed or angry, he could be a real douchebag – especially if someone else was a douchebag to him or one of us – he looked like a thug, like someone I would normally stay away from and he could be really intimidating. However, he was smarter than anyone thought he was, he visibly cared about his friends and in a way he turned in some type of father figure for me. Especially when we walked on the streets and he suddenly wrapped an arm around me like a father would with a daughter. He gave me a sense of safety. I hadn’t realized how much I needed a father figure or a role model until then. I looked up to him. Wherever he pointed at, I would look, whatever he asked me to do, I would do. He dared me to leave my comfort zone again and again, which was kind of exhilarating. I didn’t ever think I would be spraying graffiti on walls or vandalizing public property before I met those three, but it gave me an adrenaline rush every time we would leave the scene. Sure, it also gave me massive anxiety, but time and time again we would get away with it which felt great. We felt unstoppable and like we owned that town. We made matching masks, got some guy to design a mural for us and we bought knives just because we could. Especially Joey felt great with a knife in his pocket and showed off some tricks he had taught himself. We carved our names into a wall in the lodge and wore friendship bracelets with “F.J.S.J” on it. Frank gave me more confidence than I thought I ever could have. Julie and Frank were the love birds of our group. We were all best friends. We filled night after night with laughter and screams in the empty streets of the town. For the first time in forever I was so genuinely happy I thought that I must have been dreaming.  
But that dream turned into a nightmare on that day.


	5. A Memory #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Susie started to look up to Frank.

I sniffled as I tried to see the numbers on the phone through my tears. I didn’t really swear much, but then I couldn’t help but silently curse at everything around me and myself. With shaky hands I typed in Joey’s phone number. Maybe he could drive me to the lodge so I could stay the night there. There was no way I was going back home. I couldn't even stand the idea.  
After waiting for a bit, Joey didn’t pick up. Fuck. Maybe Julie, then? Her house has plenty of guest rooms, maybe I could crash there. But she also didn’t answer the phone, neither did her parents. I mean, what sane person would that late at night? I didn’t know the exact time, but it had to be past 12 AM already. The sky was completely dark, even the moon was nowhere to be seen. There were very few street lights where I was standing which also didn't help with seeing what I was doing. I bit the inside of my cheek. The last person I could try to call was Frank. We only knew him for about a month or two but he was my last chance at not sleeping on some park bench again. I slammed the phone against my forehead and tried to remember his phone number. It took me a while, but thank God I eventually managed to remember it. I listened to the ringing anxiously, trying to get rid of the last tears rolling over my cheeks. The harder I tried to make myself stop crying though, the worse I felt, but I somehow managed to keep the tears in.  
“Hello?” A tired voice grumbled on the other side of the line. It took me a second to process that someone had actually picked up. “Hello?” The person asked again, this time slightly annoyed. “F-frank? I-it's, uh, it's Susie.” “Susie? Why the hell are you calling me at… shit, it's almost 2.”  
Yeah, he was annoyed alright. I sniffled again, and tried to apologize. “I'm sorry, neither Joey nor Julie picked up. I just…” “Wait,” he interrupted me, “are you crying?” “N-no… Okay, yeah, I am.” “What happened?” “I had a fight with my mom and I-I walked away and I'm using a pay phone right now and I don't know what to do and-” Tears started rolling over my cheeks again. “Fuck!” “Alright, where are you? I'm coming.”  
After telling him I was near the local supermarket, he told me he'd try to get there soon and hung up. I sat down on the snow and leaned my back against the wall. I hadn't felt that miserable in a while. Frank showed up and together we walked over to his house, which was at the opposite side of town. I had never been at his house before, but wasn't surprised to see that it wasn't in the best condition. His foster father was Clive, after all, and his reputation was that he was always drunk and he had no job. Clive wasn't home, though. “He’s probably passed out in the snow somewhere.” Frank mumbled with a slight scowl. He let me borrow a hoodie of his since mine was wet from the snow. He also gave me something to eat since I hadn't eaten dinner and he sat down with me in the living room.  
“Do you want to talk about what happened with your mom?” He asked. I slowly nodded and curled up into a ball. I told him how I got home and chilled for a bit until my mom got there as well. She never ever entered my room, but that time she just barged in like she owned the place. She just really entered at exactly the wrong moment because I was just cleaning up cuts that I'd made on my arm. She completely exploded, going on about how I first skip an entire day causing the school to call her and then I'd do something “like that”. I said that it was none of her business, which made her even angrier. We had started screaming and yelling at each other and the situation escalated further and further as we went on. I eventually called her a slut because I knew she was sleeping around with men at work, because of all the random guys I saw at our front door. She called me an attention whore and she said that I thought the whole world revolved around me since dad died. I called her a useless mother and she in turn called me a disappointment and ungrateful brat. We threw more insults at each for who knows how long and at one point I just couldn't take it anymore. I just grabbed my backpack, stuffed some clothes in and left. I sat in the park for a bit just processing what happened and I even fell asleep at some point, then when I woke up it was already night.   
I was about to start crying again but Frank put an arm around me and comforted me until I didn't need to anymore. He asked me to show him my arm, which I did, and after thoroughly inspecting the small scratches and old wounds, he asked me to try and stop it. I told him I would try which he appreciated. Later, the rush I got from self-harm would be replaced by vandalism and crime.  
Frank let me stay at his house for a few days and Clive was mostly too drunk to care. Eventually my mom picked me up from school and took me back home so she could apologize. I said sorry as well, but I didn't mean it. I couldn't have cared less. I thanked Frank for letting me stay at his place, but he told me not to. He said he knew what it felt like to sleep on a bench in some random park and he didn't want to let me do the same.


	6. Cold Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Legion wakes up in the forest.

I opened my eyes only to stare up into what seemed like a starry sky. It didn't quite look like a sky, though. It was more just a dark blue emptiness with random white dots splattered on it, as if those were supposed to be stars. At the time that I woke up, though, I couldn't think much of it. I sat up quickly to look around and my heart was beating like crazy. Where was I? How did I get there?  
In a second, everything that had happened came rushing back to me. I remembered what we did to that man after he hurt Julie. I remembered I walked into the forest with my friends and now I was suddenly lying on the ground. Did something attack us and knock us out? I would remember that, wouldn’t I? Something felt very off about the whole experience; it didn’t add up. I also couldn’t see any of my friends around me. Where did they go? I had so many questions in my head that it felt like it was going to burst. I whipped my head to my right when I heard noise coming from a certain direction.  
“Susie?” I heard a distant yell through the dark forest. There was thick fog everywhere and nothing but trees, I noticed then. The only source of light was the full moon, so it was fairly dark everywhere I looked.  
“Susie?” Someone yelled again, the voice closer this time. It sounded like…  
“Frank?” I yelled back. “Susie?” That sounded like Julie. “Where you at, girl?” Joey.  
“Guys! Guys, I'm here!” I yelled, now standing up fully so I could walk into the direction where the voices came from. I stumbled a bit because I tried to be quicker than I probably should have tried to be. After a while of walking, I could see three figures and the closer I got the faster I went towards them. I hugged the very first person I could hug and heard Julie let out a surprised gasp in response. “Woah, easy!” She said and put a hand on my back, calmly patting. “Are you okay?” Frank asked, also putting a hand on me in an attempt to comfort. I shook my head no and rubbed my eyes. “Where are we?” I asked.  
The place kind of freaked me out and I wanted to go home, or at least back to the lodge. Any place but those woods.  
“We don't really know.” Joey mumbled, looking around. “We only just found each other. Haven’t gotten a chance to look around yet.” “It sure does look weird.” Julie said, also looking around when I eventually let go of her.  
“Let's try and find a way home.” Frank said as he started leading the way. His shoulders were stiff and his tone was bitter, which was kind of unexpected. Was he mad about something?  
I wasn't sure how long we had been walking for, but as we kept going we heard strange noises coming from the dark. One time I swear I heard breathing and even distant humming. Frank didn't say a word the whole time, he sometimes just suddenly started walking faster and so did we. We all knew that there was something very wrong, but we didn’t utter a word about it to each other, trying to ignore that reality. After what felt like forever, Frank suddenly came to a halt and squinted his eyes. There was a tiny spec of light in the distance. We approached slightly closer and heard voices, meaning other people were there. He decided we should go check it out but we should be careful as we didn’t know who these strangers were. We all agreed and when we came closer, the people at the campfire seemed to grow silent and they eventually all looked in our direction. A few people decided to walk over. There was one girl with braids, one guy with a cap on - he actually looked a bit like a cop - and one nervous looking guy with glasses. “Hi, can you help us? We’re kind of lost.” Frank said in probably the nicest voice he could do, which still sounded a bit rough. The girl with braids rose an eyebrow and looked back at the campfire for just a second. The guy with glasses mumbled to the girl: “Are you thinking the same thing? There’s never been this many survivors at once before, except way back.” The girl nodded at this. The guy with a cap was the first to say something to us: “When did you get here?” “Just now,” Frank answered. “We’re trying to find our way out of the forest. Do you know which way to go?” Joey asked. The guy let out a small sigh and pointed at the campfire, “why don’t you come sit with us? Then I can explain further.” It was kind of weird as they could have just given us the directions, I thought at the time, but perhaps we could warm up a bit at the fire. It wasn’t particularly cold in the forest, but it would probably still have felt a bit nice. The others seemed to think the same way and we started walking after the three people, but we were suddenly held back by something. It looked like branches that shot up from the ground, but they didn’t really look like branches. It did seem to be unbreakable. I put my hands up against them and couldn’t move them an inch, besides that they felt weird. I looked through them to see that the people we had talked to were shocked and there was even some fear in their eyes.  
“Fuck. They’re killers.” The girl said.  
My heart stopped.  
“Excuse me? What the fuck is this?” Julie blurted out.  
“How are they killers? They don’t look like them.” The guy with glasses stuttered.  
Frank just fell silent and Julie was visibly losing her patience. I just stared at the people and before I knew I had tears rolling down my cheeks. “What?” I managed to choke out in a higher voice than I wanted to, making them focus on me. It was like they hadn’t even noticed me before. The guy with glasses shot me a sympathetic look and then didn’t dare look at me again.  
They called me a killer.  
A killer.  
I murdered a man.  
It felt like the world was starting to spin a bit. A low, voice-like sound started to growl in the back of my head. It was almost as if it was whispering the most cruel things but in a language I didn’t understand. The feelings that it somehow brought with it were almost like torture. I could describe it as all the guilt I have ever felt washed over me all at once. I don’t remember all of it, but Joey later told me that I stopped responding to anything they were saying. I was just staring into the floor with a completely blank face and dried up tears on my cheeks. They had to hold my arms to guide me away because I wouldn’t move on my own.  
We made our way back into the direction we came from, as far away as possible of the people who accused us of being murderers. I couldn’t stop seeing their faces in front of me as they looked at me with so much fear, but also disgust. I guessed that was how the rest of the world would look at me too, then. I didn’t think that my mother could despise me more than she already did, but now that I had blood on my hands I thought that she’d actually throw me out. Of course, she would never get the actual chance to do so, I would later find out. I wondered where she thought I went, or if they’d ever find the body. It wasn’t really hid that well and Joey’s car was also still parked near the grave, so perhaps they would. Perhaps they’d even figure it was us.  
We stumbled upon a tiny shack at one point. From the outside, it looked like it could fall apart at any moment. The inside, however, looked slightly more secure, yet what we found was disturbing, to say the least.  
A tiny fire was burning in the middle and there were two old mattresses on one side, on the other side was a table with a stone wheel, some tools, four knives and worst of all: our masks. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to put it on after what happened. It was all so carefully laid out, too, like as if it were a horror movie. Stumbling upon a shack with knives and our masks, right after some group called us “killers”. And right after we… Yeah.  
Upon closer inspection, the knives also had our initials on them, just like how we carved them into them, as proof that they were really ours. Upon checking our pockets, we only then noticed that our knives weren’t there, and we could confirm that these knives were ours.   
Chaos kind of broke out between us after that. Joey put his hands on his head and let out a deep sigh, while Julie started ranting about everything that happened and how all of this didn’t make any sense. It didn’t, really.   
After a while of panic, Frank suddenly snapped and told Julie to shut up. He only ever got mad at her if he couldn’t take anything anymore. Julie fell quiet. I just sat in the corner and stared at Frank. He tried to say something, but for the first time ever I saw him struggle with words.   
He didn’t have to try and explain anymore, though. The Entity made us understand. Everything around me started to disappear and I found myself standing in a black, empty space. Then, the real torture began.  
It made me forget who my parents were. Nobody was important besides my friends. The guy we got deserved it. What we were going to do was right for me. It was my purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading the story! Hope you enjoyed <3


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